Crassy Boy

Package

2007-02-16T09:47:00.000-08:00

As a function of modern society
it nourishing like a fresh golden plum
those seeking excess find anxiety
The final form has yet to come.

Crassyboy Copyright 2007

Beat That!

2007-02-13T16:04:00.000-08:00

I just returned from the LA Department of Transportation office. They're the bastards who give out parking tickets.

I just beat a $40 ticket. Yup! Small but moving victory. At least I didn't get my car booted. That costs $125.

Airport Express as Airtunes with XP

2007-02-13T15:24:00.000-08:00

After spending hours setting up Airtunes I decided to post additional information.

I started with advice from this website:

"Grab staple (aka hard reset), join default network, open admin utility, configure base station, prefix password with $, go to Internet tab and enter static IP address information (see screenshot). Click to update express. Status light goes green, stays green . . . Quickly boot up iTunes and I can see it in the speaker popup. . . . Unplug power and move next to the amplifier. Plug back in. Hold breath while express starts up. Green light again! Choose express from iTunes and at last we have music!"

Using Dell Inspiron 700m w XP Pro + SP2, AE with firmware (6.3.0.1), 2wire 2701HG-B wireless router (From SBC/AT&T), and iTunes 7.02.16.

The wireless connection is on and encrypted. (40 bit WEP)

Modified Directions:

1) Make sure your internet connection is on.

2) Insert CD and install Airport software.

2) Plug in AE with power plug, and a wired internet cord. (RJ45)

3) Connect other end of RJ45 cord into your 2wire router.

4) Start Airport Admin Utility

5) Click on Base Station ######. Press Configure.

6) Click on Airport tab:
a) Join an Existing Wireless Network (Wireless Client)
b) Network name: Whatever network you are using (2wire###)
c) Click on Wireless Security (if you are encrypted/WEP)
d) Select 40-bit WEP
e) Select Format: hex
f) Enter in your network key (10 digits)
g) Click OK.

7) Click on Internet Tab
a) Connect using: Wireless Network
b) Under Configure: Manually
c) The IP,subnet mask, and default gateway should be there.
d) If not, right click on Wireless Network Connection
e) Left Click on Status
f) Click on tab Support.
g) Enter the same numbers as under your Connection Status.
(Note, if IP/subnet/and gateway are already there, proceed to 8)

8) Do not change tabs Network, Port Mapping, Access Control, Authentication, or WDS.

9) Under Music Tab: Click on Enable AirTunes on this base station and Enable Airtunes over Ethernet.

10) Click on Update.

11) The AE light should go solid green.

12) Boot up iTunes and watch for third box to appear right bottom corner. Called Speakers.

13) Unplug the RJ45 wire from AE. (you will not need this anymore for Airtunes)

14) Unplug AE from power.

15) Move AE to where your speakers/amplifier/sound system is.

16) Plug AE into power. Insert the mini-stereo plug. The other end of stereo plug is connected to your stereo/speakers.

17) Wait for AE light to turn solid green.

18) Close iTunes and restart iTunes.

19) Wait for Speakers box to reappear. Click on whatever name your speakers were called. (not My computer)

20) Wham! Music wirelessly from your laptop/computer to your stereo. And wireless access.

I do not know if this will work with USB printing. But let me know if it will!

Cheers

STONE POEM:

2006-09-13T21:58:00.000-07:00

"Grasp in your hands the liquid gold,
Run it through fingers of light and fire,
- fear not the power in the mold,
Oh gentle soul of God's desire."

Written by my eighty year old patient on Sept 8, 2006 in Los Angeles.

FOUND IT:

2006-07-09T15:48:00.000-07:00

This site rocks,

www.pandora.com

Check it out!

CB

WELLINGTON = CHOICE

2006-05-24T03:24:00.000-07:00

I arrived in Wellington Friday night. Had to drive to the Southern most tip of the North Island. Just like most other countries, there is a Wellington versus Auckland mentality. People tend to either prefer one or the other. Australia has Melbourne vs. Sydney, US has Los Angeles vs. New York. Wellington turns out to be a neat mini-city with a pseudo-nyc feel to it.

Saturday I spend hours in the Te Papa Museum, most if it in the Lord Of The Rings Exhibit. Many pieces of the LOTR puzzle were covered, how they made the armor, swords, the battle scenes, the costumes, and probably the most comprehensive collection of LOTR stuff. (Did you know that Viggo Mortensen developed such a strong bond with his live LOTR horse that he bought it after the filming was completed.)

Afterwards I went to the Chow/Motel bar on Tory St. I waited there for my friend Marissa who was lost. I did the alone-at-a-bar deeds. I bought a drink and then I went outside to preocuppy myself. I ended up sitting down at at table and a 40-something girl started chatting me up. She was with a group of friends and she was intrigued about my medical background. I shared some funny stories and then turned the tables around.

"I'm a writer."
"Oh really. What type of writing do you do?"
"Oh pretty much films."
"Do I know any of the movies you have written?"
"Maybe. I wrote Lord of the Rings and King Kong."

She was with a crowd of people from WETA and we had good conversation. Marissa finally showed up and I introduced her to the group. We jumped over to another bar until we finally split from them. As Marissa and I walked out, I leaned over and mentioned,

"Did you know that that girl we have been talking to wrote LOTR and King Kong? Not to mention that she is an Academy Award winner."

And true enough, I checked the next day online on www.imdb.com. I love the fact that she was super cool and not pretentious, like I know people in Hollywood can be.

You go girl!

RETURN TO BRIS:

2006-05-24T03:13:00.000-07:00

Well I just arrived tonight in Brissie. Twenty two degrees Celsius. Much better than the brisk five degrees Celsius I was getting in Wellington and Napier. I just spent the past two weeks traveling around the North Island of New Zealand. Flew up to Whangarei and drove up to the Bay of Islands. I did a day diving at the Poor Knights Island. Quite a beautiful day, except for the chilly water.

The second dive was called the Long Cave. A real life 100m cave that extends deep in and curves to the point that light becomes a rare commodity. It was such a beautiful scene when I went in half way and looked back at the light. The aqua blue sea rays came towards me at obtuse angles. Other scuba divers were trailing me and their rising bubbles served to distort the partial rainbow further. The sidewalls did start closing in and the current did push you forward and backwards effortlessly. Fortunately two people were ahead with torches (aka flashlights) to provide a point of reference for me.

Last Friday flew back to Napier where I packed my goods and moved out of my apartment. I then proceeded to drive four hours down to Wellington; the Kiwi capital.

TO BE CONTINUED:

MOVING ON:

2006-05-14T16:39:00.000-07:00

Heya,

It's been awhile, I know. I haven't been idle though. I have finished the first draft of my movie script. It still has lots of revisions let but at least I have a first draft.

I've been to South Island. Beautiful place. Except for all the rain. Though people say that it rains like that all the time. There were plenty of tramping (hiking) opportunities but I'm spoilt. Coming from LA, I believe that rain = bad luck and that a wet hiking trip is postponed trip. But that's just me. I think it's the big city life in me.

I am cleaning my apartment here in Napier and preparing to move out. It's been a short four months. Leaving makes me slightly sad, but mostly I'm happy to move on. This place was way too small for me. Though I have met some super cool peeps. Meeting so many people has made me realize one thing.

That there are good people everywhere in the world. Yes, good people in a limited supply, but not in limited edition. These are people you can have intriquing conversations, will make sure your ok when your on the piss, buy a round or two of drinks, and essentially, keep you company. Cause boy can it be boring by yourself for months at a time.

Well, I'm heading to Whangarei today. Going to try to dive the Poor Knights Island. Ranked by Mr. Cousteau to be one of the top ten dive sites in the world.

Hope life is making you smile.

CB

p.s. 'Wh' in Maori-Kiwi terms is pronounced 'f.'

OUTDOOR STUPIDITY:

2006-03-20T23:54:00.000-08:00

What a weekend. My friend B.A. sold me to the very idea, "It'll be a great downhill trek on bikes next to active volcanos. We'll bring a bottle of wine and food. It'll be a good outing."

That sounded tempting. Ever since I had started work I had not been able to see the country. We got to the area Saturday night and relaxed with drinks, dinner, meshing on the guitar. Sunday morning we awoke and were driven to the start of the Tongariro Forest Crossing. As we unpacked the bikes, I thought back to the last time I had cycled. Hmm, maybe over ten years ago in high school. No biggie. As we pumped up our bikes and oiled the gears, the lodge owner stood with her forehead strained.

"Don't worry about us, we'll be ok. I just haven't written a bike in years. It's mostly downhills anyways."
"Oh. You better be careful of the uphills as well. Going up is like this," she formed her hands into a steep plane.

I looked at her and looked towards my three other comrades. They were too busy tending to their two wheeled vehicles.

"Hey, do I use low or high gears during uphill?" asked my friend Raj as we cycled away from our cars.

Cycling for the first time in twelve years was not difficult, but a novel experience. The first ten k's were down wide paths, with plenty of isolated stones. Then came the first downhill trot, my borrowed bike seemed to handle the continuous braking. We finally arrived at a stream where we rested and laughed at the decline.

Then came the first steep incline, followed by a second small decline, with a even larger incline. We stood together and encouraged each other harmonously. "Let's go" "Push on" "Ignor the pain" we shouted. Then a upmountain persisted. The four of us dismounted and continued to push our bikes up Mordor. Then we found a patch of leveled ground. I pushed ahead and found a steep downwards slope. I proceeded down the red mud shaded path, through the forest. I was getting better at avoiding the large stones, using only my rear brakes, and lifting my front wheel over impassible objects. I discovered braking while turning was a no-no, especially with the front brakes.

I trudged ahead of my group in hopes that the finish line was close. I noticed a car ahead of the trees and petaled through the unshaded finish line. I waited for my three fellow travelers to stumble into the paved road. We congratulated and then proceeded down the "short ten minute downhill." This continued over the river. I cheered and raised my hands; my eyes spotted the track continuing upwards. It was another hill to traverse. We looked at each other and dragged our feets up the hill, pushing the junk on wheels. We finally came to the downsloping portion and I remounted my mechanical horse.

I cycled towards our lodge. My inner thighs reaked of severe pain, my butt had a raw ache to it, my hands were numb from the the gripping, and my thumbs had multiple skin tears from the pressure as I approached the car. Dropping my bike to the ground, I consciously collapsed. My friends and I had just done the 42 Traverse.

(TO BE CONTINUED)

BLEEP REGRET:

2006-03-09T09:56:00.000-08:00

I got a page, "Mr. D's daughter wants to speak to you regarding her father." There are many patients I see and the names melt all together into one. The faces and stories do stick in my mind. I happened to remember the eighty something Mr.D.

I had gottened called to see him right when I arrived at the hospital. I walked in to see him and he was puffing away his breaths as fast as he could inhale them. His shoulders rose up and down in a dangerous dance for air. I didn't really know why he was like that but when the nurses couldn't get a good blood pressure I knew that Dr. D was in trouble. I went to his chart to see that he had been like this since last night and had a incarcerated hernia as well.

I went to his chart and noticed he had lewy body dementia and Parkinson's. His xrays clued me to aspiration. I knew aggressive steps would have to be made or Dr. D would die. I called and spoke to his wife. She was alert and understanding of the situation. I explained that we could put a tube in his mouth and hook him up to a machine to breath for him, but then I suggested that we not intervene with such drastic, invasive steps. I asked Mrs. D knew what Mr. D would want in this situation. She agreed that he would want to go peacefully.

I asked her to come into the hospital with her family members. I asked the nurse to give Mr. D morphine to calm his breaths down. When they arrived, I spoke to them about his situation and the family agreed with making Dr. D comfortable.

(TO BE CONTINUED:

WORD OF THE DAY:

2006-03-05T09:42:00.000-08:00

I subscribe to Dictionary.com's word of the day service. It is my online method of increasing my vocabulary. The latest word makes me question the validity of this service. There is no way that the word toothsome = sexually attractive.

If that's the case, then I'm definitely a threesome. (drums!)

Word of the Day for Sunday March 5, 2006

toothsome \TOOTH-suhm\, adjective:

1. Pleasing to the taste; delicious; as, "a toothsome pie."
2. Agreeable; attractive; as, "a toothsome offer."
3. Sexually attractive.

"The myth, which Kournikova herself often takes great measures to perpetuate, is that she is an imposter on the WTA Tour, a toothsome starlet who simply uses the tennis court as a catwalk." -- Jon Wertheim, "Any day now for Anna," [3] Sports Illustrated, April 14, 2000

MORNING MONDAYS:

2006-03-05T09:08:00.000-08:00

I have been having the most strange bout of early morning wake ups. It usually happens one hour before I really need to get up. It starts with my bladder waking me up out of bed. Maybe it's cause of this one motorcycle that gets kick started outside my apartment every weekday at 05:30hrs. It's possible that I am running lots more now and my stomach cries for calories in the weeing hours of the AM. I could be clinically depressed, but I don't feel a low mood. I interact with people, laugh at almost nothing, eat lots, so no, I'm not depressed.

It first started after my laptop died. I was worried about my twenty-four gigs of lost music along with my creative writing on my computer. Or was it after my week of night shifts? But since then, it's been a constant bother. I slept well over the weekend. Heaps. A three hour nap on Saturday, following by sleeping until the G chord church bells went off at 0945hrs on Sunday.

Something's on my mind. I'm not sure what it is. Maybe it's my current dilemna; What are my long term plans. I have pretty much winged it the past two years. I think I am now looking for something more substantial. I want to build something. Not something physical, but tangible. I think my ambition is returning to me. Being in the Southern Hemisphere is great for relaxation, and distance from the rest of the world. But I am a people person. Not in my daily life, but I like to be inspired by personas rather than majestic sceneries. The more time I spend in NZ, the more ansy I am getting. Some things I have dreamed of doing,

1) Starting a left handers club

2) Running a restaurant

3) Going on a Doctor's without Borders mission

4) Writing and directing a movie

5) Having my own bar

How am I going to make these things happen? Anything is possible, I just have to think of a way.

JUMP START MY LUCK:

2006-02-26T21:22:00.000-08:00

I bought a new car. Ok, not a new one but one that works. It is a 1987 Nissan Sentra, 1.3 liter four cylinder, five speed manual. Here in NZ, they pronounce the Nissan = Nisen and Subaru = SuBAru. Sounds like a entirely different car. I argue and plead, but the Kiwi's are stuck on their stuttering. j/k

I came back to drive home in Babe Blue, my functional car. Tried to start the engine: SILENCE. No sound. No waking of the motor or grinding of the starter. I looked to my headlights to see it still switched on. Bugger! Damn my turn-lights-on-in-the-morning habit. My head shook as I exited the car. I walked back to the hospital and chanced a call to security. YES! They had a jumper. With minimal effort, Babe Blue came alive and I trudged home. The other kicker was that now I drive a manual, if I stalled my car would arrest again. Fortunately I didn't.

The dead battery really isn't a big deal. It's more the repeated lockouts from the apartment, dead motors, computer failures, customer service incompetencies, and other minor inconviniences. It isn't the worst luck in the world, but the dice usually lands better for me. My concern is that all these annoyances are leaving a dry smell of shit on my shoes, that I don't know is there. I keep on sniffing it, but insist that it's not my smell. Yet, it is.

I need to wash myself of these bad spins.

KIWI THIEVING P2:

2006-02-25T03:47:00.000-08:00

(SEE PART 1)

I responded,

"Don't worry. Next time if someone tried to rob you, just say i curse you with bad karma." I smiled.
"What is karma?"
"Karma. . Karma is. Well karma is the relation between good and bad."
"I don't understand."
"Karma is a term that relates to how people treat each other. Good acts follow good acts. Bad deeds begets bad deeds. Someone who brings upon you something bad will himself experience something bad."
"Oh I think I understand."

I don't know if I completely related what I believe karma is, it is one of those cursory terms that is difficult to explain. Here is Wikipedia's definition. How would you explain what karma is?

KIWI THIEVING:

2006-02-25T03:26:00.000-08:00

I had a patient who came in for leg swelling. He was a cheerful, obese, Maori guy who was wheelchair bound. He lost his right leg to osteomyelitis (an infection of the bone) when he was an infant. He had a commercial wheelchair and while definitely a big boy, a pleasant chap. I was talking to him about driving his speedchair home and he told me how it was dangerous where he lived.

"But who's going to rob you?"
"Oh but Doc, I've been robbed before."
"What? Really?"
"Yes. You see. I fell off my wheelchair and couldn't get up. These kids came around and picked me up. They brought me into the house, wiped my face, straightened my shirt, and then took 70 dollars from my wallet."
"Really? I can't believe they did that? Were they kids?"
"Maybe eighteen."
"Well, they were still kids."
"Yeah, but they also went to my kitchen and took my bacon."

No, not the bacon!

The Legend of Pania:

2006-02-19T00:21:00.000-08:00

Found it in a Maori Myth Book by A.W. Reed.

"Pania was a young woman of the sea. There is no term by which she can be identified. The land had already exercised a strange fascination for Pania. Every evening, she left her home in the sea and lay concealed among the flax bushes at the foot of the Hukarere cliff at Napier, returning to her own people at dawn.

In the half-light of dusk Karitoki, a young chief from a nearby village noticed her as he came to drink the water of the spring. He went over to her, took her by the hand and led her gently to his home. Pania was content to remain with this man of the land until the stars grew dim before the dawn light .She left the arms of her sleeping husband, pressed her face gently against his tattooed cheek, and swam through the breakers back to her people.

Each day as the light waned he waited for her coming. Together they made their way past the flax bushes to their home. As the sea breeze dried her glistening body Karitoki felt the love and warmth of love welling up and reaching towards him in his strange sea bride. A year went by and Pania gave birth to a boy. Each morning she left the boy with her husband. As the chief cared for his son during the day, he began to fear that the child might inherit the characteristics of her sea ancestors. He went to the tohunga to ask how he could keep his wife and child with him permanently.

'Wait until they are both asleep. You must then place cooked food on their bodies. They will never return to the sea again,' the tohunga assured him.

When she was touched by the food, Pania took her son in her arms and walked into the sea. She had no wish to leave her husband, but men and women of land and sea have different natures and different customs. Pania became a rock, often frequented by fishermen.

In spite of the vast gulf that lies between men and women of alien culture, Pania longed as desperately for her lover as Karitoki yearned for her. It is a sad story of lovers parted by conditions which they have no control. At ebb tide Pania could be seen below the reef with her arms stretched out vainly towards her lover."

Love is supposed to superceed all. Yet ancient myths reveal cultures interrupting the tide of love. Today, time, place, and conscience make Pania's struggle a modern day dilemna.

LOATH AND DREAM:

2006-02-17T01:55:00.000-08:00

Taken from the Hawkes Bay Hospital Feb 2006. One of the things I can take away with me from nightshift. We can loath and dream, but never forget to look outside.

CB

FRIDAY NIGHT RIGHTS:

2006-02-17T00:42:00.000-08:00

Well, I finally have my laptop up and running again. Not to mention I got my DSL modem installed last week as well. So I am finally back to even ground. Well, almost. As I was driving home from my last night shift and was trying to make sure I did not fall asleep at the wheel. Hawkes Bay area is particularly dangerous area to drive because there are virtually no center dividers; even on the expressways.

I slowed down for a stoplight. Red switched to green and I looked down to see red lights peppering my dashboard. My engine had died! I tried to start it and with a squeeze of the gas I moved it forward. As my car rolled around a roundabout I could see the tachometer edging down to zero. It was a struggle to keep the car moving and it's engine running. I made a detour and headed to the car garage. My engine passed out as I pulled up the driveway. White smoke seeped through the cracks of my hood.

"Mate, looks like your car is overheading" said Mac the mechanic. He opened the hood and the engine had no more water in it.

Damn another cardiac arrest for my car. WTF!

FINALE:

2006-02-17T00:23:00.000-08:00

Whew. Finally done with my week of nights. Let me say that being coerced to change your whole circadium rhythm and life is something that only medical professionals go through. Waking up at dusk, eating what you feel should be dinner but your stomach thinks breakfast. I was going to work while everybody else was going to the movies, at the bars (Cheers!), or going home to their families. Not to mention the depreciating looks people give as you trudge home after a twelve hour shift.

This morning as I headed home, I stopped by a local pharmacy (chemist as they call it) to pick up some steroid cream for a skin irritation I had. I was wearing a black vest, white undershirt, black backpack, and removed my ipods to interact with the tech. I told her what I wanted and she brashly replied, "What are you using it for? . . you can't use it for more than a week. Especially on the face. You will have to go see a doctor." Her true feelings vibrated through forehead wrinkling, inverted smiles, and eye twitching.

I thought Kiwi's were not judgemental. But I am finding out that Kiwi's are people like anywhere else in the world, filled with contemplation, hesitation, jealousy, assumptions, and doubt. They just happen to travel around the world more than others.

BAD LUCK BLUES:

2006-02-15T08:07:00.000-08:00

It seems that I have hit a funk of bad luck in the year 2006.

- I get my car towed in Santa Monica after parking it in front of a driveway. Cost = $400

- My Subaru breaks down while I'm driving it. Cost = $240

- My six months old hard drive eats shit and dies. Cost = $$$

- I get locked out of my apartment several times. Cost = time

I get runs of horrible luck at times. When this happens I just hope that it is the worst, and that better times are ahead. I guess 2005 was a great year for me and 2006 just hasn't met up with what I achieved in 2005. I am hoping my future looks bull. I hate having bad luck.

And oh yeah. After tonight, just one more night shift left!

CB

SEE OR EAT:

2006-02-14T09:49:00.000-08:00

I spoke to my mom yesternight. She was comfortable in her new Shangahi apartment, with the heated marble floors keeping her warm. It had been awhile since we spoke. I invited her to come visit me in New Zealand.

"Yes, I am thinking about coming out. Is NZ cold?"
"No, it's not as cold as Shanghai is. Kind of like SF weather. I will start thinking of places to take you to see."
"See? If I want to see anything I can watch it on movies. I want to eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat, eat. What is there to eat there?"
". . . . . . "

My mom has a one track mind. Just like me.

LUCK OF THE KIWI:

2006-02-11T08:16:00.000-08:00

Here I am, finishing up the second night of my seven day stand. I went to sleep in full blast of the sun today and woke up at 6pm; headed to work at 8pm.

Things are beginning to smooth out and I am finally feeling comfortable here. I am close to the peak of my work hill and after this week will be on my slide down the ramp. The nurses, physios, physicans, and staff are getting to know me, and that makes it easier when they trust me. Or do they? I still find my doctor peers to be lopsided; nice but hesitant. Kind but shy. I guess my personality doesn't really click with the typical Resident Medical Officer.

My personal life is still on the uprise. I have been developing my routine. I have my yoga class on Tuesday, billard's tournament on Wednesday, the amazing breakfast place I go to when I am can. I am still trying to meet more people, well, people I can relate to.

Well, I still have time. But a month has already shuffled by. Only four months left. Will I walk away duly impresssed with NZ? Hmmm.

SUMMER NIGHTS:

2006-02-09T23:18:00.000-08:00

Had me no blast. I am on my first of a week of nights. 8:30pm to 8:30am. Especially on a Friday. Not looking forward to it. Especially during all the Art Deco Weekend activities this weekend.

Wonder what, everybody's doing now?

CB

WEAK SOFT DRIVE:

2006-02-06T10:18:00.000-08:00

Well, yesterday my laptop gave me the blue death screen and now it clicks when I start it. The Dell support rep conversation was trivial:

Vikram: CB , the error code 1000=0141 and the error message NO DRIVE DETECTED , is not listed in the diagnostics data base .
Vikram: CB, have you reseated( removed and re-inserted ) the hard drive ?
CB: yes, the hard drive repeatedly clicks when i attempt to restart the computer
Vikram: CB, we will attempt Dell PC restore .
CB: Well my google database states that 1000-0141 means that the hard drive is dead and that the HD needs to be replaced. How do you want to do that?
CB: The bio doesn't even register the HD
Vikram: Can you send the support web page from goggle , please ?
CB: http://delltalk.us.dell.com/supportforums/board/messageboard.id=insp_harddrive&message.id=44094 Vikram: One , moment please !
CB: http://extremetechsupport.org/forum/showthread.phtml?t=10731
Vikram: May I know the steps that you followed to activate diagnostics ?
CB: I pressed F12 upon start of computer
Vikram: Okay
Vikram: CB, we will replace the hard drive .

What a stupid idiot? Customer service sucks! That was my second and last Dell. I was trying to support an American company. Bullox!

HAPHAZARDS:

2006-01-28T12:41:00.000-08:00

This has been a strange week. My sleep time has consistently been more than seven hours. But the quality has diminished at a horrid pace. I have been in the dingy house next to the hospital. The bed must be older than I. Whenever I try to lay on the bed, what happens to my body is that I actually lay inside the bed. The resilience of the mattress is nonexistent. When I want to get up I have to reach for ropes attached to walls to pull myself up. Though I spend time resting, but my body is not rested. Such a horrible feeling.

Friday night, I finally signed the lease to my new two bedroom apartment in Napier. It came furnished with a new loopy queen size bed. I was given the keys and rushed back to my dodgey house to pack. I was ten minutes from home and was on a round-a-bout when all of a sudden my car’s engine, power steering, and stereo shut down instantly. My dashboard light up like Las Vegas Blvd. Fortunately, I had slowed down to make the round and pulled over to the side of the circle. I smelled the burnt oil and steam was rising from the cracks of my hood. I pulled up right next to a runner. He looked at me as I opened my car door, “Problems?” he queried.

“Yeah, maybe.”

I lifted the hood to find white smoke seeping from the turboed engine. A high pitched mechanical wheeze added sound effects to my tragedy. I just stared at the engine as it actively protested. I looked behind to see another Subaru had pulled up behind me. A Kiwi exited the car and asked if he could help me. He took a look at the engine and said “the engine may be canned.” Shit.

I asked for a lift back to the hospital. Fortunately, he was going there too. I arrived back at the shady house minus my car. Though handicapped, I proceeded to move out. I packed my bags and called a taxi to take me to my new pad. And here I am. I feel so much better and I love big beds. Fortunately, I bought the car on my credit card. I am going to ask Visa for a refusal of payment. Car salesmen are the same anywhere in the world. . . Fuckers. Yes, even in New Zealand. Fuckers.

ASYMMETRY:

2006-01-24T12:55:00.000-08:00

I was working a long shift in the hospital. The LCD screen was rainbowed with MED reviews. My next patient Mrs. Tree had come to the hospital with right arm and leg weakness. She had an acoustic neuroma (form of brain tumor) surgically removed a couple of years ago. Since then Mrs. Tree had had several plastic surgeries to correct the aftermath of surgery. Her right smile was absent no matter how hard she laughed, and it was virtually impossible for her to wink her left eye. Twisting of her face was evident, scars from her abnormal growth.

I entered the room, introduced myself and asked what brought her here. Mrs. Tree reported that she had just returned from Auckland from additional plastic surgery to help her close her right eye. She felt that her right arm had been "falling asleep on her," and that she was tripping on her right leg. I examined her and then told her,

"Mrs. Tree you have had a stroke and we will need to keep you in the hospital tonight."
"Oh. How did I get this?"
"Well. It is something that we can try to prevent from happening, but sometimes it still happens."
"Could I have done anything to prevent it?"
"I think the only thing to do is to see your doctor more frequently."
"Why did this have to happen to me?"

Her shoulders shook up and down like a tree shaken by a vicious wind. Tears began to drop from her left eye like apples from a tree. Her right eye remained dry and hazy. I looked around the room to find tissues, but none were available.

"I am sorry Mrs. Tree. Sometimes these things happen to the best of us."

Her partner approached her and put his arms around her, "she's been through a lot."

She has.

KIWI GHETTO:

2006-01-21T20:22:00.000-08:00

I currently live right across the street from Hastings Hospital situated in the wine country of Hawkes Bay. It was just after 4pm and the sun was attempting to burn my skin. I wore my Sunday shorts and white T-shirt, hiked my backpack, and grabbed my shades for protection. I plugged into my ipod, listening to Lemon Jelly. I walked to the street separating the neighborhood from the hospital.

On the corner was a man coming around the corner as well. He had long curly hair, a black shirt, and long, baggy red shorts. As we approached each other, I looked up to generate a courtesy Kiwi smile. Here people generally smiled and acknowledged each other. The man wore no shades, and his eyes were thin and prolonged. They narrowed as I looked up to him. His hands were tightened into fists, knuckles faced towards me, and chest protruded.

I quickly looked away and stepped off the sidewalk. I know a staredown when I see one. This guy was staring me down and wanted to start a fight. Boy, I haven't been stared down in years. I could never have thought this would happen in Hawkes Bay, NZ. I quickly crossed the street and then I looked back at the Kiwi thug. He was still deliberately walking large.

Sigh. . . even Kiwi's have a gang problem. American thug culture has contaminated the world.

Btw. Lemon Jelly really is great getting-ready music.

LONE-E-LESS

2006-01-21T19:45:00.000-08:00

Here I am Sunday, my real first weekend in Hawkes Bay. I got inspired Friday night and brought my laptop to work on my script. I have been haphazardly adding to it for the past year. I drove around the city to find inspiration. I headed into the city of Napier around 8pm. The town was virtually desserted. Every single store had already closed and the traffic was minimal. I then detoured to a port side area where the bars were.

There the scene was better. I ordered some tapas and a glass of red wine. I read over what I had and made some minor changes. Then I began to add my short script set in a hospital. After about an hour of work, someone asked if she could borrow the chair next to me. Next thing I knew I was in full conversation with a local girl Kelly. She introduced me to her partner and soon I was in full swing.

Going out alone is such a different, potentially disasterous endeavour. That is one of those things that I am not comfortable with. Fortunately, it turned out well for me. I met two new people who seemed real cool and grounded.

I need to work on my creative writing some more. This time here in NZ is my time to produce, create.

So let's.

WEEKEND:

2006-01-19T22:06:00.000-08:00

Today is Friday. I just finished my first week of work in New Zealand. New doctors to convince I am competent. New nurses to introduce myself to. Different computer system to familiarize myself with. My initial impression is that the Kiwi doc's are well trained and because the nurses here tend to be more polite and friendlier, they are move helpful.

I have not made any plans tonight. Don't know what I will be doing exactly. Figure I need to find a place to live. Where I live now is a dingy, rental house next to the hospital. It smells of stagnant mold, has ultra uncool 80's furniture, and a sinking bed. I feel like I melt into the bed whenever I lie on it. And not in a good fashion.

It's 7:30 pm now and the sun is still in full blaze. Better screen my skin before I step out.

Wish me luck on finding a fat pad.

HAWKS IN THE BAY:

2006-01-18T20:05:00.000-08:00

Hey!

Started work this past Monday. Been busy taking care of patients and such. Strangely most of my fellow collegues are from the UK. Only a few Kiwi's here. So the accents around here vary tremendously. I haven't demonstrated my Texan/Bush accent. I think I'll save that for another day.

I haven't hooked up internet access yet, but am working on it.

The strangest thing about living here is the amount of sun here. I get 15 hours of sun each day. The sun doesn't set here until nine o'clock. I feel like I am in Alaska! Well, more sun means more fun!

http://www.hawkesbaynz.com/

This is where I am working for the next four months. I welcome visitors!

SUPEROO:

2006-01-14T18:53:00.000-08:00

Well, I am over half way to Hawkes Bay.

The Subaru is great.

Gas is hella expensive here. 1.42 per liter. (3.8 liter equals one gallon)

I start work tomorrow.

I haven't worked full time in five months.

The world spins.

SATURDAY NIGHT AUCK:

2006-01-14T01:10:00.000-08:00

I have done everything I wanted to do here: open a bank account, get a local mobile number, and buy a car. Yes I am now the proud owner of a red Subaru 1991 Legacy Turbo. I hope it turbo's me through the next five months.

Tomorrow, I drive to Hawkes Bay. If I see a winery, I am going to have to stop by!

AISLE, MIDDLE, WINDOW:

2006-01-14T00:51:00.000-08:00

I threw my bag next to the window and went to the loo. I was glad not to be sitting middle for the transhemispheric flight. I returned to find someone in the aisle seat. Damn, I was hoping for no shows. I tapped her shoulder. She was thin, with dark long hair that was frayed in all the right places. She had a sharp nose, pretty eyes with fluttery lashes and her lips accentuated her expressions. Ryne was definitely sexy.

She glanced towards me and swung her legs sideways. I tried to draw a courtesy smile from her. No Luck. Not a friendly one. I plopped into my economical seat and prepared for the flight. Somehow we started conversing. It wasn't the typical, irrelavant chatter. We jumped directly to lively dialogue. We shaved parts of our lives onto the table.

- Ryne grew up in West Virginia, went to college in the States, lived in nyc for a year before moving to Brissie for three years.

- The first year in Brissie was most difficult for her.

- She has five rolls of fim from 9/11. She happened to be in Staten Island that day.

- She had been flying since 4AM and had a seven hour layover in LA. (Our flight left @ 8:30pm)

- She was a photographer who had just secured a great job making catalogs.

- Her favorite beverage was single malt scotch.

- She had been in a eight year relationship, dated around, but had never experienced love at first sight.

We delved into politics, art, desires, hardships, music, and fears. We laughed, slept, and ate together. Ryne played with her hair and I wanted to touch it. We left the plane together and walked together in the arrival terminal. We exchanged emails and numbers. Then we separated.

I do not believe in love at first sight. Rather, I am a staunch supporter in first intrique. The step beyond physical attraction, and delving into the intangible connection.

I hope she is not ephermeral. I can't get her out of my mind.

AUCKLAND SLUMBER:

2006-01-12T12:04:00.000-08:00

I woke up. WHERE THE HELL AM I? There was no one next to me. Damn. No no help. The room was pitch black. There was a door with white outlines from the inside light. I approached it and turned the doorknob. The brightness hit my face and inside there was a porcelin toilet and my toiletries. It clicked. I had flown to Auckland and was in a hotel. Whew!

It is always scary to wake up and not know where I am. I was even hard when I was back in LA because I slept in five different places. I think one of the good things about living in NZ for a couple of months is that I will have my own place for first time since Australia. It makes a significant difference.

Ten hours of restful sleep does wonders. Better than any drug. That's how I feel. Today I need to start shopping for a car. One that has four wheels, an engine that works, and doors that close. A radio would be a major plus. But we shall see. I am right now in a Korean internet cafe and it surprises me that there are communities that continue to exist even in Auckland, NZ. The person to my right is speaking in Korean and watching Korean soap operas on the computer. Funny.

Though, I would never exchange travel experiences for a static house in Cerritos.

Ok, hopefully I will return to blogland with a car.

JET, SET, LAG

2006-01-11T15:23:00.000-08:00

I arrived six in the morning at the Auckland Airport. It was a bumpy flight but I befriended a photographer who kept me entertained. Got a SuperShuttle like van to my hotel room. Showered and then went for my confirmation interview.

I quickly popped back into travel mode. Aggresively talking to strangers, asking for directions, advice, location, and anything else I can do. When I travel, I waste no time in interacting. I leave my hands empty, ready to jump into a conversation that may benefit me. Where can I buy a car? Where is a there a good place to eat? Where can I hang out? The good thing is that Kiwi's have been quite approachable and friendly. In bigger cities, lots of citizens refuse to answer questions with a "I dunno." Here in NZ, everybody I have asked have been wonderfully helpful.

My mind is real slow, even for my standards. I think the jet lag is in full effect. I feel so tempted to go back to my super nice suite and crash on my bed. But I know this is not the way to fight jet lag. My goal is to stay up for the next couple of hours and maybe go to sleep in the early evening. Let's see if I can make it.

THREE QUESTIONS: (Part 2)

2006-01-09T10:53:00.000-08:00

See Part 1.

3Q girl seemed satisfied with my responses as she moved on top of me. I pulled her top off and somehow, we were moving in harmony. Her lips moaned softly. I tried my best to be discretely silent, especially since two friends were on the same bed as us. I figured it would be fine since fatigue and alcohol were coursing through their veins.

At one point I thought someone was entering the room, but when I looked, darkness stared back at me. As I was exploring my next move, suddenly I felt the weight shift on the bed. Two objects became animated and jumped off the bed: Julie and Willie. 3Q quickly covered herself, jumped off, and walked out of the den. I just fell back on the empty bed and sighed.

I heard 3Q girl comment, "Yeah, Crassyboy wanted to have sex with me but I really didn't want to."

Soon after, the front door opened and I heard multiple footsteps fading and surging. In walked Emily and Vanan with a huge smiles on their faces.

"What?"
"I walked back into the room to check to see how Julie was doing when I saw a naked girl on top of you" said Emily.
"Yeah, and she totally thought it was Julie" added Vanan.
"So I thought to myself, Nooo, Julie has a long term boyfriend. I can't let her mess around with Crassyboy" Emily continued.
"So Emily wanted to walk in to stop the naked girl from making out with you but I lured her away with cigarettes" Vanan bragged.
"Yeah. Who was that girl anyways? Do you know her name?" implored Emily.
"I can't remember her name for the life of me" I replied.

*****************************************************************

Many times, it's not reaching your goal that makes a story, but the details that makes the tale worth it.

LAW OF FREAKS:

2006-01-08T11:27:00.000-08:00

My friend Liz is a sexy, outgoing, intelligent girl who likes to go out. She is a rare breed who does what she says she will do. She has a small tattoo on her front thigh that peeks out on occasion. She met a guy on New Year Night who gave her ride home. They were supposed meet up Friday, but she really didn't remember how he looked. Yes, it appears beer goggles affects both genders.

He showed up and Liz was not excited about hanging out with him but she did invite him out. His body language was choppy and unnatural. We finally convinced him to come inside. Liz entered, then I and the guy was last. As we entered the bar, I gently slapped her ass. They spoke for a little bit and then he left. The next day she received a couple of text messages from him.

"Stop being so touchy feely w any man! Real men don't go for that shit. Learn or marry a wimp you'll never be IN love with . . . good luck."

"Women are held to the same standards as judges - they should avoid even the mere appearance of impropriety. Tattood girls especially - go remove them."

What makes perfect sense is that he works as a lawyer. Lawyers, can't live without them, and you surely can't date them.

THREE QUESTIONS: (Part 1)

2006-01-07T14:54:00.000-08:00

Classic story. Saw my friend Julie who made it out for a nite at the Brass Monkey. Found out that she is an avid reader of my blog. This piece is dedicated to her.

We were partying in nyc after the turn of the century. Mostly old friends from college with a few friends-of-friends. The bars grew longer and longer, the drinks seemed to magically refill at each sip, and our steps became haphazard. Someone made the decision to return back to their apartment. A lovely, dinky, two bedroom in the West Village.

After conquering the six flights of stairs, the ten of us yielded anywhere possible. It was either in the two bedrooms or the kitchen. Typical citylike, the second bedroom functioned as the family/living/den. The couch was quickly flattened to become a bed and three bodies sprawled on it instantly. I walked around socializing with the various persons. Soon, my throbbing legs informed me to find a place to sit.

I entered the multipurpose room and found little room on the bed. I saw a girl that I had known casually and collapsed right on her. She opened her eyes and somehow the personal space wilted between us. Our lips met in conversation. Bodies around us shifted to accomodate. Our bodies were intertwined and hands were moving. I glanced around to see my friends Julie and Willie passed out on the bed. The girl pulled away from me. She spoke,

"Do you have a condom?"
"Yes."
"Don't tell Willie."
"It's ok, he's a deep sleeper."
(beat)
"Do you even know my name?"
"Of course."

(TO BE CONTINUED)

FEAR OF ANOTHER COUNTRY:

2006-01-07T13:31:00.000-08:00

Foreigners fear us for the gun-totting, confrontation orientated, over aggressive Americans we are. But the one thing that gets us about Aussies is shark attacks.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060107/ap_on_re_au_an/australia_shark_attack

It took place on a beautiful scenic island just south of Brissie called Stradbroke Island. This attack took place Saturday when a twenty one year old woman was mauled by a shark while scuba diving in waste deep water.

I went to the very same island with Yoga girl before I left Aussie. Walking along the coast was literally a living aquarium. Dark murky figures glided between the deep and shallow waters. Sometimes the circular shells became apparent and the smiles of the joyful dolphins surfaced. Other times, I could only see a trail of water wash from the animated object.

Each country has their innate fears to deal with. Aussies with their animal predators, and Americans with our own human mortalities.

TALKING, SHARING, HOPING:

2006-01-04T22:18:00.000-08:00

Willie is a friend of mine from school. He moved back to LA from nyc just a couple of months ago. He was in nyc for eight years, and met a girl there who he has been dating for three years. She's a straight up new yorker, born, raised, and she breathes nyc air. And she's 33 years old.

Everytime I see him he says that things are rocky between them, yet she is likely to move out to LA to be with him. He relates that "I told her I'm not putting a ring on her finger. Maybe in like three to four years." But then he commented, "I don't think she's the one."

I replied, "If you don't think she's the one, then why are you having her move out to be with you?"

Silence.

Women live on ovarian timers. They have a finite time to reproduce. I feel responsible when I date a girl who is older than me. I like to take my time to get to know someone, but even I feel pressured when I know the girl is older than me and her ovaries have been churning out eggs in limited qualities.

I just hope that he does the right thing.

TEN DAYS . . . :

2006-01-02T21:25:00.000-08:00

And counting. January 10th is when I will be flying out to New Zealand. Time change and zone will put me in NZ on Thursday the twelveth. I fly into Auckland and in the span of four days have to: open a bank account, buy a car, find a place to stay, and drive five hours to Hawkes Bay.

Tonite, I have been scouring the web to find details of where I might want to live, what kind of car to buy, what kind of cell plan I need, and banking options. I did come across one fantastic detail; U2 is coming to Auckland in March, 2006. That is where I am going to be for sure!

I am excited to be going to the country where beauty is natural and where I will return more "grounded." This is according to Emily, the current world expert on New Zealand. Or so she thinks she is. I asked her what she meant, and she backpedaled her comment. But perhaps she is right. It is good to push myself to be more grounded. Right?

NOW OR LATER SEX:

2006-01-01T21:24:00.000-08:00

Funny thing about American girls. They have been distorted and altered by Hollywood movies. They even have websites as a guide to dating. The American dating scene is filled with rules and regulations, just like a football game. The guy must be a gentleman by driving to pick up the lady, opening doors, paying for dinner, and dressing properly. The lady should not kiss until the second date, and sex happens only after the third date. The timing varies but America has evolved dating laws to abide by.

Here is the dichotomy. Many of my girlfriends will make a "potential" wait for weeks in the dating montage. The man is forced to wonder if he is doing the right thing. These very same girls will turn around and go to a bar, meet a cute boy, and take him home to fuck the shit out of him.

So the truth about American girls materializes. They are sluts who still hold values of love and commitment close to their heart. Go fish!

FADING POLAROID:

2006-01-01T21:07:00.000-08:00

I thought of a great idea that I want to share. I love Polaroid cameras and their ability to capture a moment instantaneously. Unfortunately, the technology is a decade old and has been largely replaced by digital cameras. But the problem with the digital is that it takes forever to find a printer or internet access to print out the pictures. Imagine if you could purchase a combined Polaroid camera/digital camera. This would allow people to have spontaneous results, yet be able to record their pictures for later processing and printing.

My only problem is that looking on the Polaroid.com site, I was unable to find a feedback area on to share my information with them. Stupid company. If the company does not ever have dialogue with consumers, how are they supposed to create innovative products?

YEAR ANEW:

2006-01-01T18:22:00.000-08:00

Happy two thousand and six readers! It's been an interesting day. I started the new year driving around the streets of Pasadena as the designated driver. I was without the taste of alcohol for the first time in ten years. Well, almost. I did have a plastic glass of brut bubbly for the countdown. It was time for a change. My previous NYE's had included New York City, San Francisco, Shanghai, and multiple drunken stumbling around LA. It was interesting driving without fear of being drunk and caught.

First story of 2006. In transit from one party to another, I was driving through the twisted streets. I came upon a car that had met a neighborhood wall. Observers were surrounding the car in haphazard interest. I stomped on the brakes and pulled over. Seatbelts stole breathes from my two punch drunk friends. I exited and made sure that 911 was called. Then I shined light upon the injured.

It was a small two door hatchback, littered with DJ equipment. The driver was seatbelted, but the windshield was spiderwebbed with a ex-dentation right above the steering wheel. He rested heavily on the seatbelt remains while red glitter dropped from his nose. I asked him if he could hear me. "

"Unnnh."

I could see his chest move comfortably out and in. Reached down, I reached for his left wrist. After a quick touch, I could feel the push of his pulse on my finger. It was steady and strong. I opened his lids with my hands and shined light into his eyes. The dark pupils shrank and gradually adjusted. High pitched whistling came from afar.

I rose up to meet the approaching police car. The officer quickly jumped out and assessed the accident. He pulled a strange knife from the car and placed it on the roof. Then he looked at me and muttered, "Hey, aren't you the. . . "

"Yeah I am. Will you need my help? He has a pulse and is breathing ok."
"Nah. I think it'll be fine. The paramedics will be here shortly."
"Ok. Happy new year."
"Happy New Year!" We shook hands and I went home.

Lesson in drinking and driving.

MEMORIES:

2005-12-25T21:58:00.000-08:00

The 2005 that I never want to forget: (random order)

- Fraser Island trip with my friend Shazam. Wandering around the largest sand island in the world.

- Death of my great colleague Judah.

- Byron Bay Bluesfest 2005 watching Dave Matthews and Jack Johnson with Jimmy.

- Going to Beijing with my British friends to see the Great Wall of China and eat Peking duck and scorpion.

- My trip down to Melbourne with Emily; the Nine Apostles, penguins, wine tasting, and shopping in the city.

- Gmoney coming to visit me in Brissie and we went to the Koala Sanctuary.

- Coming back to LA and surprising Solid and Roomie.

- Spending time with my mom in Shanghai.

- Singing Karoake at Brass Monkey

- Jim's Alternative Tour to Nimbin with Kman and Emily. Stopping at the fruit farm eating star fruit and cracking nuts.

- Backpacking around China with Kman, seeing the Shaolin Temple, eating delicious dumplings, and bargaining like a mofo.

Where will 2006 take me?

Happy New Years!

REFLECT, RESET:

2005-12-25T21:35:00.000-08:00

Hmmm. Christmas in the States is such a corporate whore. Ads, jingles, newspapers all point to good "you HAVE to buy for your loved ones." I am mildly entertained by it and the buzz it has created around me. I just looked back at my entries from last year at this time.

Last year Christmas Eve, I started the day on the beaches of Goa, flying to Mumbai, and not making it to Delhi because of shit fog. I had delicious indian food by myself at a hotel in Mumbai. Christmas morning my flight arrived in Delhi. I willed my flight out and away to Shanghai where I was able to have dinner with my mum's late Christmas night.

I am fortunate to be back in Los Angeles. The sunny warm days of LA provide a fresh angle from where I was last year. Spending time with my family, and close friends have been a great recharge. Looking back, it has been a mythical year for me. Traveling to India for a year. Living and working in Australia for seven months. Occupying and exploring China. And finally to be back in LA to spend lost time with friends. I can't wait to see where I will end up next year!

MISGAME:

2005-12-25T21:08:00.000-08:00

My friend Stewart is a budding assistant in Hollywood. He moved over from D.C. to pursue his dreams in the Entertainment industry. He's a cool guy to hang out with, but his "game" is quarky and obtuse. He makes my stomach hurt with his antics but the ladies share no love for him.

My good friend Shane is roommates with Stewart. Fortunately he is a Hollywood executive and can smooze the girlies. They were out in a trendy bar in Hollywood. Shane was entertaining two girls. Stewart walked up to them and pointed at a girl earlength's distance from the group. "You that girl Miriam. I've hooked up with her before. She gave me AIDS."

Miriam walked towards the circle and retorted "What did you say I gave you?" Stewart did the wave-and-walk in one motion and left. Shane shrugged his shoulder released an uneasy smirk.

Talking about HIV/AIDS is not going to charm the ladies.

CHRISTMAS STORY:

2005-12-24T09:19:00.000-08:00

Gerlie was a wonderful member of the community. She always had a basket of doggie treats to give away when neighborhood dogs came around her door. Three months ago, she was diagnosed with lung cancer that had spread. She had been a smoker who been losing weight and coughing up blood for the past year. Her constant nausea, and stomach pain had prevented her from eating much.

My friend David had been her neighbor for over a decade and wanted to do something for her. He asked around for a special recipe. It required a special ingredient that was not difficult to find but unavailable at your local supermarket. David located the ingredient and followed directions to make the special cookies. Gerlie opened the present and ate some. David followed by taking her to a delicious chinese restaurant in Monterey Park. There they ordered a ten course meal filled with steamed fish, pork, three cup chicken, green hollow vegetables, and fried rice. Gerlie ate like she never could eat. It was the best meal she had had in recent times.

She died one month later.

Cherish what we have. Happy holidays!

HALF-ASS LOVE:

2005-12-13T22:36:00.000-08:00

Relationships. Since my friends are all hovering around the thirty mark, it is a serious subject. Relations are dynamic and malleable. Here are some current circumstances.

1) My friend from school has been dating a girl he met while living in nyc. She's a Sex in the City Carrie; born, raised, and thrives in the big city. They have been dating for three years. He recently moved back to LA to find work. He loves her and wants her to move out with him, but she's hesitant. She's come out to visit several times but has no love for LA.

2) My graduate school friend James is a good looking guy. He is one of those rare Eye-catchers. The one girls seek to meet. He has been dating this Japanese girl for the past five years. She lives in LA, and he in New York. She has supposed to move out to NY to be with him years ago. Yet, she remains in LA.

Perhaps I am the last idealist on earth, but if I care for someone, I would take a chance. Moving somewhere to be with someone is a huge leap. But if you don't try it, then your never going to know.

These woman may want a definite commitment prior to moving to be with their boyfriend. Or perhaps it is the men who are hesitant to put a ring on a girl they can only touch and feel electronically.

You would think that love conqueors all, but apparently not.

QUOTE OF THE DAY:

2005-12-12T12:38:00.000-08:00

"Quiere me y coje me." Spanish for "love me and fuck me." Love is not dead in the 21st century, rather expanded in definition.

MORCHEEBA:

2005-12-11T23:01:00.000-08:00

Went to the Wiltern theatre on Friday to catch Morcheeba's last stop of their tour. They are more of a loungy trip hop Brit group and serve up some great tunes to chill to. A solo artist named Gabby La La opened for them. Boy did she pull out some crazy tunes using a sitar, electric ukulele, toy piano, accordion and even a Theremin. She provided entertaining lyrics to accompany her talented hands with songs like Boogie Woogie Man in a Black Dress and Pirate.

Morcheeba came on and sailed through despite all the controversy. The former singer Skye has departed and they have progressed onto their thirs singer, Jody. The latest singer is talented with the saxophone and her voice echoed the range found in Morcheeba's old songs. Their newest album is less trip hop and more poppy though.

Only time will show us how they do.

SHORT-LONG TERM PLANS:

2005-12-06T21:01:00.000-08:00

My friend from High School asked me,

“What are your short-long term plans?”
“What do you mean short-long?”
“You know, in the next five to ten years.”

I paused. I didn’t have a concrete answer.

“Well, I guess I’m going to New Zealand in January, then move to the UK next year sometime. After that, I’m not sure. I’ll see when I get there.”
“I love that your future is still hazy. Someone once said that where you don’t know what you’re doing and are lost. I saw a bumper sticker that said, ‘Not all that wander are lost.’”
“Exactly. I may not know where I am going, but as long as I know where North-East-South-West is, I’m fine.”

I wonder. Do people really have concrete plans that they pursue and follow? Is anything in life certain 100% without fail? Maybe for some people, but I like my life fickle, dynamic, and falliable. I see myself as the sailboat, cruising in the harbor, absorbing the wind’s kinetic energy as my own. Fast or slow, I will get where I want to be.

WEALTH IS MINE:

2005-12-06T21:00:00.000-08:00

I am rich! Yup, no denying it and am I benefiting from my wealth. No, not financially but but a resource even more precious; time. Here I am sitting in Corona Del Mar, California USA. I don’t know if this beautiful landscape has been featured in the OC, nor do I give a shit, but it’s an amazing space. Sailboats are pushed leisurely by the gentle whistling of the wind. The cove faces the edge of the Newport harbor and the water dances brilliantly with the early sunset.

Above me are numerous benches and grass area for bystanders. I walked down the beatened dirt path to a isolated area and retired next to my friends: Sun, Beach, and Ocean. Hovered above me are several senior citizens perched on wheelchairs, canes, and wheelie walkers. It irks me to be the only human here under forty, besides the nanny’s above. This is where I want to be. My time, my space, and no one elses. I think I”ll watch the world as my version of Sim City.

3. . 2 . . 1. . CONTACTS:

2005-12-04T14:48:00.000-08:00

Poor vision is something that we have to thank modern technology. I am a benefactor of contacts. I can still remember back in 3rd grade when I was given my first pair of contacts to wear. I had never seen so clear and precise prior to contacts. Nowdays, most people consider wearing glasses/contacts as a hassle. That is why lasix surgery has become so popular.

I disagree with this presumed inconvenience. Contacts have been extremely valuable to me. When I have met a girl who is not the most pleasant to look at, all I do is take off my contacts and presto! In my blurry, softer world, she's a cutie to me! No need for surgery of any kind!

HOLLY NITE!

2005-12-04T04:20:00.000-08:00

I went out on the town tonite with my friends. We started off over at the Cabana Club and soon after headed to a birthday party. It was packed garb of industry girls and boys. Dressed in their fall colors of black, grey, brown and the occasional red: I entered and pushed my way towards the bar. I looked back to find a straight laced, tall, black eye glass framed, Full House individual staring back at me. . . I double twisted my neck in disbelief, "It's Danny Tanner!"

Only in LA will you be dancing and partying with Bob Saget! Wonder where the twins are?

COCK BLOCK:

2005-12-03T19:26:00.000-08:00

I had to cockblock for Emily yesternight. This is what happened. My friends Roomie, Emily, Jasmine and I were at a karaoke bar and going crazy with our songs. Jasmine had met some hot guys; A good looking black man named Jermy and a hispanic looking bloke with dimples, Jonathan. Jasmine and Emily were smoothly juggling between flirting with the their hot guys with belting out their favorite song on the mic. A random Miss Santa Clause looking girl walked by. She grabbed Jermy's hand and pulled him towards the dance floor. Emily had already suavely situated herself on Jermy's lap.

Emily stood up and glared at Mrs. Santa Clause.

"Who's that? he's real cute." asked Mrs. Clause.
"Oh, that's my boyfriend." Emily replied, lying like it's no sin.
"Damn. That's too bad."
"Do you want to meet my friend Crassyboy? He's single, a doctor, and filthy rich."
"Yeah sure!"

I look over to see Emily bringing over a chubby looking girl with curly dark hair, a red sweater and boots to match. All she needed is the white hair and the beard to match. Emily introduces me to Mrs. Clause.

"Oh hi! This is my friend, Crassyboy."
"Nice to meet you. Your cute. Come dance with me!" Mrs Clause grabbed my hand and pulled me towards hell.
"Oh, it's ok. My boyfriend is right over there and I'm waiting for him," as I pointed at Roomie.
"Your boyfriend? What? Oh! Ok. Nevermind." Mrs. Clause walked away to feed the reindeers.

Whew! I even had to cockblock for myself. I'm single, a doctor, and filthy off better without Mrs. Clause. But then again. What if we borrowed Mr. Clause's sleigh and took it out for a ride?

==================================================================
* Cockblock = when someone prevents you from picking up someone at a bar. The measure of success for picking up on someone is variable; phone numbers, sex, or even conversation. The person who cockblocks is known as the cockblocker and can be male, female, friend, foe, or even yourself.

SETTLE:

2005-11-30T11:09:00.000-08:00

In finding our life partners, known as "the one," how long does it take? How many times to people just settle for what's around them? As falliable beings, we try and try to find that special person to complement us. As we age, do we become more selective or less persistent?

I see my friends fall into comfortable situations, that are easy to stay in, and hard to get out. The comfort, warmth, conversation, and sex is there. The fireplace is filled with firewood and the chimney top is open. What is missing is the fire to light the wood and warm the room. How do we place ourselves in the position to meet new people that may have that match?

I can't tell you the answer for sure. I know that in life we have to take risks for returns. And if you think you love something, go for it. Cause knowing is better than pondering. At this point in our lives, if you are not certain about someone, than that means that the spark is not present, and perhaps it is better to let go.

Let go. It's not a new concept, but one that could be used more.

PRIVACY, KEEP OUT!

2005-11-30T10:48:00.000-08:00

Today, we can do everything online. Buy gifts, pay bills, book flights, order movie tickets, or anything else you may want. Using credit cards, bank accounts, frequent flyer numbers, and other ease-of-transactions, it is as simple as a calculator. But the scary thing is that this creates a record to be tracked and followed by the right authorities. In our current age of information technology, our habits and lives are being documented and can be outlined at the single push of the "Print" button.

Just think, every credit card purchase allows for Big Brother Bush (BBB) to follow what you are buying and returning. Your mobile phone bill isn't just a way to itemize your bill, but a detailed format for BBB to know everybody you socialize with and if needed, what you are talking about. Because of mobile phones, the Feds or anybody has voice recordings are now attached to our names and social security number.

What can we do to combat this 1984 nightmare? Stop using our credit cards and cellular phones. Yes, I know it's hard to do but surprise! Talk person to person and buy with cash. I know it's a concept from last century, but just try it. You may just like it!

HERO BOYFRIEND:

2005-11-28T10:47:00.000-08:00

My friend Allie broke up with her boyfriend last month and she spoke to me about how to interprete his actions.

"He said 'I don't think you'll ever see me as your hero. Your not the one for me and you will find someone better than me.' What is that supposed to mean?"

"Guess he's looking for a bright eyed, naive girl who will look up to him in every way. He doesn't want an intelligent, mature, woman who will call him out on his bullshit."

"Yeah, he also said, 'I want someone who will brag and talk about me to their friends and family like you do with your brother.'"

"Well, you can't help that your brother is a successful pop singer and in medical school. I think there's something else besides him wanting to be a hero."

"What do you mean?"

"Men can not always tell you why they feel the way they do. We realize something is lacking, and act on it. But ask us why, and we will pause and squirm. I can't pinpoint what makes me feel the way I feel. As men, we can only act on our Pavlovian senses. The rational is usually buried in the untouchable Freudian cortex. Reasoning is too much effort for us."

"So this how you are too?"

"Yup."

JEAN ASS:

2005-11-26T18:34:00.000-08:00

Jeans is one of the best inventions of all time. It provides men with a daily attire that is casual, trendy, and always comfortable. Style trends have made it couture for women as well. I love women wearing jeans because it allows them to show off their ass. And boy do some girls look great in jeans. But here's the dilemna.

Some girls have saggy asses and are fortunately able to squeeeeeeze 'em into those tight lil' jeans. And the jeans structure their flabby asses into a nice shape, but when you separate the ass from the jean, it reverts back to a big blob.

Next time you see a girl in jeans, ask yourself which came first: the jeans or the ass.

QUOTE OF THE DAY:

2005-11-26T18:32:00.000-08:00

"Girls are always bitches to the wrong people and sluts for the right ones."

CB

BRITISH BANG BANG:

2005-11-24T23:24:00.000-08:00

An American traveling abroad faces numerous contacts with other members of this world: Germans, Brits, Aussies, Kiwi's, Chinese, Indians, Italians, French, Spaniards. One of the questions I was frequently asked about the US was, "Is it safe?" Of course, in reference of the shootings, drive by's, availability of guns in America.

Our societies inclusion of killing weapons is not a function of our love for violence. Rather is stems from the Bill of Rights Second Amendment. The interesting tidbit is that the reason it was lobbied heavily by our founding fathers was because the British attempted to disarm us, in order to maintain control. So the prevalence of guns in American society was not our own doing, but a reaction to the Imperialists.

FYI.

GOBBLE GOBBLE:

2005-11-24T22:59:00.000-08:00

Today is a day to be thankful. Yes, I am back in LA. . . for the time being. I spent dinner at the largest family gathering I have been in in years. Let's say around eight people. Ít seems like ages ago since I have had a Thanksgiving dinner. It feels good to be back in LA for the holidays. Last year I was in Shanghai for a noneventful Thanksgiving and I had Christmas eve dinner in a Delhi hotel.

I have been spending lots of time at my dad's house. This may seem ordinary, but for me to be in the same bed night after night is unusual. Since last Thanksgiving, I think I have slept in about one hundred different beds: hostels, hotels, motels, apartments, condos, houses, and huts. Since I have left Brissie, I have been transient. I have migrated to six different cities in China. Some I would like to call towns, but when the population of the tiny
village is five million, it's hard to place labels.

I am to a point, I awake at night for my nightly stagger to the bathroom, only to find myself question which way the "loo" is. My stuperous conscious then asks, where the hell am I. It really is a disturbing feeling, not to know where you are sleeping. I have hotels figured out. I leave the bathroom light on and that way when I awaken, I understand that I am in a hotel room. I just have to realize which hotel I am at.

I am going to have to change my volatile status. By January 2006, I will be in Hawkes Bay, New Zealand for four months. Then it's off to the United Kingdom.

MAKEUP SEX:

2005-10-18T10:33:00.000-07:00

Under Webster’s Dictionary it states that Make-up Sex = sex that happens after an argument. But what does it mean exactly? Oh, I’m not complaining anytime sex comes my way. (Umhhh) But what are the ramifications of having sex after a fight?

Here are the scenarios:

1) Sex is an unstated truce between the two parties.

2) Sex means that everything is ok. (And possibly forgiven?)

3) Sex is just a time-out, half time show before the start of the half of the argument.

This action is complicated by if the argument is lopsided, aka, which person did the wrong. Let’s make this example clear cut. EXAMPLE: I am in an argument because my girlfriend was almost arrested for drunk driving and we have sex after the discussion, does that mean that:

a) I forgive her.
b) She’s trying to get me to forgive her.
c) It’s her punishement?
d) I’m consoling her.

I guess the other variable is whether sex occurs during or after the fight. There is a huge dicotomy in what the sex means during or after. After the fight is more of an acceptance that we’re still together. Sex during the talk is in my eyes a break from reality. The difficulty arises in that most arguments do not have a sinple ending. Sometimes there are compromises made, othertimes it may just be a deadend.

In conclusion, sex during or after a fight is a pause on the DVD. It has no effect on the movie at all, and the movie can be unpaused an played at any time.

INTRODUCING:

2005-10-18T09:26:00.000-07:00

Emily, a personality I frequently post about has her own blog.

Straight from her own mouth!

iliveinpleasantville.blogspot.com

Cheers!

THREE TIMES:

2005-10-16T20:10:00.000-07:00

One of the biggest joys and burdens that we face in life is our parents. They are the dictators in our first two decades. Then they become these trans-parent figures who delve into our lives as needed. Stand in substitutes; babysitters, financial investors, advisors, friends in time of crisis. But the most difficult part is the end of it all, when our parents pass away.

It is a difficult subject to breach, because no one wants to think of the demise of their own blood. Hopefully, the childen in the world bury their parents and not the other way around. It is life. For a parent to have to inearth their offspring is never a natural or pleasant sight. It is one of the biggest challenges in life to deal with our parents final aging process.

I believe that we need to spend three periods of life with our parents. The first is when we are growing up and parents watch us crawl, step, walk, and run. This is the traditional parent-child time spent together. This period ends when the babies finally leave home for school.

The second segment involves when the child has progressed into adulthood: working, self-supporting, living with partners and babies of their own. Time needs to be cherished for both parties to appreciate each other. It is a completely different time from childhood, when the parents dominates the children. This experience is an appreciation and understanding of both parts. The babies are now grown up and have their own lives and ideas. This second critical time is often forgotten by X generation. Lives become complicated, jobs and families take precedence and time is lost.

The third and final out is when our parents are dying. This time is necessary to reciprocate the hand holding that our parents provided us into the world. It becomes our turn to hold our parents hand and assure them that everything is ok.

Bypass any of these three steps is what creates disharmony with your parents.

QUOTE OF THE DAY:

2005-10-13T02:57:00.000-07:00

Best quote seen in Shanghai:

"Choosing what you like is your life."

Worst quote:

". . it only takes 12 hours for the testis to die once it is cut off from its blood supply."

p.131 PASTEST: PLAB 1 Revisions Made Easy

I'M BACK:

2005-10-10T00:52:00.000-07:00

Hello there! I haven't gone anywhere. Just been roaming around China. I had friends from the UK and Oz in town, so i had to be the complete tour guide. First we flew up to Beijing and hired a driver for the day. He drove us to the Ming Tombs. This area exists at the base of mountains, close to the Great Wall. Thirteen emperors were buried in these region. It was interesting to see how much decadence, effort, and labor was put into the death of one single person. These tombs remind me of another unbelieveble tomb, the Taj Mahal.

We then had lunch and ventured into the mountains to see the BaDaLing part of the Great Wall. Let me tell you that it was absolutely amazing. Yes the BaDaLing, or BaDaBing as I called it was supposedly rather touristy, but there are two parts to the Wall. We hiked up the difficult part, and boy was it steep.

TO BE CONT:

HERE I COME KIWI:

2005-09-16T02:12:00.000-07:00

I just finished my tele interview with the director of a hospital in Hawkes Bay, New Zealand. He felt that I was well qualified and that I might even be over qualified. But I told him of my desire to work four months and he agreed to it.

So my next gig is January 2006, Hawkes Bay, North Island, New Zealand. It is a wine region so I can bathe in red or white wine.

LEAVING LA:

2005-09-10T14:06:00.000-07:00

Well, the five weeks have sped by like a jet. I am in my last days in LA before I depart on my world travels: part two of ??? The past twelve years to become a physician have been strenuous and regimented; college x 5 years, medical school x 4 years, and residency/training for three years. That is why nowdays I do not plan much in advance and usually let my path appear in front of me. Gone are the days of Palm Pilot calenders and schedules to keep. And that very thought makes me tingle with anticipation. I have had some unforgettable times the past year and my entire future also hangs in the balance of uncertainty. I love the unknown I have created for myself.

My future is dictated along the same direction as the compass of old. There are four general choices and even at the most precise discretion, 360 choices. But from there, each destination is blank and is to be filled in the day it happens. I will be in China for the next two months. But other than that, who knows.

I have scheduled to take my PLAB test in Cairo, Egypt. This is the test required in order for me to work as a doctor in the UK. Why the UK?

1) Why not
2) pounds = $
3) The rest of Europe is my playground
4) The music scene in London is sickly cosmopolitan.

I could have taken it in London, India, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Australia, or New Zealand. But I have never been to Egypt and it is a top five on my list to see. So tentatively, I will be in Egypt in November to take a test, and travel. And so goes the rest of my 2005.

Just don't ask me where I am going to be spending New Years.

GOODBYE DOCTOR:

2005-09-05T18:53:00.000-07:00

I went to the funeral of Dr. Judah today. It was held at the Mount Sinai Cemetary in Simi Valley. It was standing room only. There was a westerly wind blow, but everybody was calm.

I feel better. Everybody suffers and mourns together, not separate.

Good Luck Judah.

WEDDINGS AND DEATH:

2005-09-04T13:24:00.000-07:00

I found out my friend Judah died this morning and was barely able to sleep and yet today I am going to a wedding reception to celebrate the beginning of a couple's life.

I don't want to go, but I will.

FINAL TRIBULATIONS:

2005-09-04T12:54:00.000-07:00

My friend Judah, a physician, lawyer, son, friend, colleague, and human being passed away after a three year fight with Hodgkin's disease. He is known in my blogs as John. Dr. Judah was the everlasting optimist and always made sure any issue was evenly weighted. His humor was infinitely clever, quacky, corny, and witty. His work ethic was Professional, with a capital P. Judah was pleasant, even when he was fighting for his life with chemotherapy. He did not leave this earth on his accord, but he left on his own terms.

I am a better man and physician because of you and I will always be grateful for that opportunity. Thank you Dr. Judah for the inspiration and you will always be my role model.

******************** Previous entries.
TRIBULATIONS I
TRIBULATIONS II
TRIBULATIONS III
TRIBULATIONS IV
TRIBULATIONS V

DEATH OF A DOCTOR:

2005-09-04T05:29:00.000-07:00

A colleague, friend, and a great man passed away. May his soul rest in peace.

http://judahdaniel.blogspot.com/

I WEAR MY SUNGLASSES IN LA:

2005-08-31T14:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I spent the day in Hollywood with my fourteen year old cousin Bright Eyes. She had this week off before she starts the dreaded 9th grade. I wanted to take her out to get her out of her tale of the 9th grade Suburbanite: who needs to be popular, can not even fanthom what the Challenger Disaster is, and has a bipolar mom who wallows in her own misery.

I went to pick up Bright Eyes and her cutie chow chow puppy Starsky. While I was waiting, my aunt commented how bad the puppy was by trying to bite her and chew on inanimate objects. I retorted that all two month old puppies bite and chew because they are teething. Auntie is so cheap she did not get the required shots for Starsky and refused to pay for cable.

Bright Eyes came downstairs and we left. We headed to good ol' Doughboy's for lunch. If your in LA, and want to avoid the corporate restaurant onslaught, this a great brunch place. But even better, they serve the same menu the entire time they're open.

Afterwards I dragged her and the pup around with me while I frequented Fred Segal, Paul Frank, the Grove, Oliver Peoples, and finally this new boutique called Dita. Of course at Fred Segal, I had to play the Guess-How-Much-This-Is game. Fun to play when tanktops cost $200. In the Dita store, I finally purchased a set of silvery glasses for $250. Yeah I know it's expensive, but that's the only thing I have bought since I have been in LA. I hate buying any brandname glasses from D&G, Gucci, or Prada because within a week or release, Made-in-China fakes are everywhere.

We then picked up Roomie's boyfriend Angelo and headed to Canter's deli. A bonified true jewish deli, without the kosher part. It is the mecha in deli food and serves some of the best pastrami sandwich. Not to mention the humongous selection of delectable desserts. We sat down and at that moment, a sense of cloudiness made her eyes squint. I turned my head and said, "Yes, they are G - A - Y." I think that woke her up. She'd never sat across the table from a sixty year old jewish gayman before.

I had been making her make decisions the whole day; what to eat, where to go, Many times she replies "I'm Ok" or "I don't care." I fuckin' hate those two phrases. I always translate that into: I do not have my own mind and can not make decisions. She decided to get the California Burger and was to relay her order to the server when the server threw something back at her. "It comes with chips, but ya can get french fries for a dollar extra."

Hesitation, uncertainty, unfamiliar territory. Bright eyes grew abstractly smaller and her mouth straighted up. I interjected, "just get the fries, she'll get the fries." I glanced to see her eyes open wide and the edges of her mouth turn towards the sky.

If only everybody could be so easily pleased with dollar french fries.

EVANESCENT:

2005-08-30T09:56:00.000-07:00

The one word that describes where I am in my life today:

evanescent \ev-uh-NES-uhnt\, adjective: Liable to vanish or pass away like vapor; fleeting.

MY FIRST SAVE:

2005-08-27T13:57:00.000-07:00

If my life was a novel, it would be filled with numerous short stories. This is one of 'em.

I drove to my long time friend Keri's house yesterday. It was next to where she lived in high school. It had been years since I was in that area. I had been friends with her since the seventh grade. We had become best friends during the high school years and though she had a boyfriend most of the times, it didn't come between us. I went to her house almost daily and was her chauffeur many a times. She was my companion back when friendships were scare.

Fifteen years ago . . .

She had been undergoing some boy troubles for the past few years. I was at home when I got a phone call.

"Hello?"
"Hey CB? Yeah it's Keri's boyfriend."
"Hey how's it going?"
"Well, Keri had been upset and I came over to see her. I found empty bottles next to her."
"Shit. Where is she? Is she still talking?"
"Yes. She's in the bedroom and won't come out."
"Ok. I'll be right over."

I got into my white boxy Volvo and charged towards her house, ten minutes away. I ran two red lights in transit and pulled up to her house in five. Inside was Boyfriend, another friend, and Keri. They had made some progress and gotten the door open. She was inside the bedroom, crying and pushing Boyfriend and friend away. I found the empty plastic containers. Three antidepressants to be exact. All of the empty. The date indicated that they had just been filled. I didn't know if the medications had serious adverse affects together. Talking with Boyfriend, and Friend, we pondered whether we thought she would be ok or if we should call the ambulance.

I picked up the phone and heard the dialtone. My forefinger pushed nine, one, one. I listened for a ring. A finger came out of nowhere and clicked the off lever. I followed the arm up to the body of Boyfriend. "Let's make sure this is what we want to do" he explained. Before I could respond, RING RING. RING RING. I picked up the phone.

"This is emergency response. Did you dial 911?"
"Yes . . pause . . we did . . . We need an ambulance for my friend who overdosed on some pills."

The EMT's came and put Keri on the stretcher, and took her to the nearby community hospital. Boyfriend, friend, and I went to the emergency room to see if she was ok. We later found out that if they didn't pump her stomach, the mixture of medications would have killed her. She was transfered to a psychiatric facility for a week or two.

She spent a month away from high school but was able to graduate with the class. She is now married and just had her baby Noah, four months ago. But everytime I drive on that neighborhood street, it takes me back to my first save.

FLY KILLER:

2005-08-27T01:52:00.000-07:00

They have fancy electric fly swatters nowdays straight outta Asia that have enough juice to zap humans. Ol' school swatters simply work as well. But when I have a fly problem, I dig through the mail to find a fat oblong junk mail or a cell phone bill. The natural bend, effortless anysided handle, large surface area, powerful stroke and the any room access makes it the perfect tool.

Those things were meant to kill.

THE ONE?:

2005-08-26T00:43:00.000-07:00

How do you know when the person you date is the one? The destined one you will spend the rest of your life with: sleeping in the same bed, eating together, your daily companion, the caretaker, the partner in crime. Solid and others have told me that "you just know." I don't think it is that easy.

There are two schools of thought about potential "ones." The right side believes in one person to be your perfect match while the left side portends that there are several potential partners that exist in the world. Being left handed, I tend to lean towards the several potential matches group. I have been in contact with a girl I was dating in Brissie. We broke up when I left Oz but the dialogue continues. We had a rough talk two days prior but have followed up with emails.

She wrote, "I miss you being there with me; miss the ease between us in the everyday. Maybe one day you might realize that what we had was something . . . although I do believe anything could have been possible and your journey that-you-don't-know-where-it's-going also could be possible . . . I don't have such confined ideas of how a relating should be or that it would be . . . I do let you go and there always be a little dream in me with you."

I responded, " I know the connection was real and wonderful. I have no deception that I am walking away from something special. But I am on the path of my dreams and when a man has not fulfilled his dreams, it is difficult for him to give his heart away. I am finally doing what I want to after 12 years of schooling."

She answered, "You know I never would keep you from your dreams, but you gotta do it on your own it seems. You know there is only one space. I respect what you want to go and do. I suppose I want to embrace my dreams and also share this with another. That's the stage I'm at and that's what mature relating is about; not losing self in another but finding oneself and your potential and sharing that with another and inspiring each other. A different place you're at, a different perspective. That's cool....I understand."

Thanks for understanding Zen Girl.

BARGIN LIKE A PRO:

2005-08-23T10:13:00.000-07:00

It is an international skill that is not taught in schools, universities, and most Western societies are unfamiliar with it. That is until you travel to any third world country (India, Thailand, Cambodia, China, Brazil, Taiwan, Mexico, and etc.) where price tags are never visual, but verbal. This includes food, clothes, tickets, travel and even humans (aka prostitutes). I was fortunate to learn from my mom, who is a queen in the haggle hussle. And no, she did not bargin for any prostitutes for me.

OBJECTIVE: Obtain the item for a best price possible.

BACKGROUND:

- Vendors everywhere will upmark a price simply because how you look and what price they think they can negotiate.

- There are usually local prices and tourist prices.

- Sellers expect you to bargin, and prices begin extremely inflated.

- Vendors are professionals at price negotiation. They do it daily.

- What you want is usually available from multiple stalls.

- Do not tell them you are from the UK. That is an automatic markup since the pound rules.

- Check product for defects. (DVD scratches, Prado instead of Prada, size etc)

- Whatever they say or do. Do not take it personal.

- Best negotiation occurs at the beginning or end of the day. Vendors are superstitious and wipe first sale on rest of the products.

- Do not feel bad that you are haggling prices. It is a game that both parties enjoy.

- Speaking local dialect will result in better prices.

- Walk away method is always a good measure on how desperate they are to sell.

SIMPLE METHODS:

- Cut the price by half, and that is the price that you want to pay. Do not deviate from it. They will want you do go up. Do not budge.

- Walk away if they refuse your offer.

TRICK #1: Go down on the price everytime they insist on haggling.

ADVANCED METHOD #1:

- Begin with 1/4 the quoted price.

- Gauge how they respond.

- Walk away. If they do not follow you, that is likely the lower end of the price.

- Approach the next vendor and start at that price.

KEY LIES/PHRASES: To help you with the negotiations

- Another stall has it for $$ much.

- My friend got it from you for $$ price.

- How much if I buy more than one.

- This ____ is defective. I will give you $ for it.

- I come here (bring people to you) all the time. Give me a good price.

- Flash the exact change, hold the item with the other hand, look at the vendor and nod. If they agree it's a deal.

FAMILY WOES:

2005-08-22T23:38:00.000-07:00

My family is wacked! I had lunch with my uncle and cousin Bright Eyes today. She's the fourteen year old teenager. They aren't the ones who are crazy, rather it's my Auntie. She has alwasys been deathly afraid of everything outside of her domain, unable to drive on anything that ends with a way, and dubiously supertitious. But her latest antic takes gold.

She has not been feeling well for the past year with her back, and as a result unable to walk much. Two weeks ago, Auntie found a rectangle red paper tacked neatly under her bed frame. Golden Chinese characters were written on it. It was a curse! Or was it?

That was the source of all her problems. When Uncle came home, Auntie accused him of placing curse there. If Uncle didn't do it, then Uncle's mom or dad did. The only problem with that accusation is that Uncle's mom and dad had passed away years ago. She roped the doors shut and would not let anybody inside. Finally, after hours of negotiations and coaxing did she open the doors.

Since then, her blank stares, end-of-the-world rants, and her pseudo-terrorist demands have kept the rest of the family at bay. Uncle spoke to me about loco-Auntie. He had asked Auntie to go see a psychologist. She replied "so you think I'm crazy?" Auntie's own sister (my mom) and brother do not want to interact with her. Of course she's crazy.

I am not going to enter this ancient realm Auntie has created for herself. I replied to Uncle. "you are going to have to take drastic steps for anything to change."

I feel real bad for Uncle and Bright Eyes. It's one of those family arenas you can listen, but never want to enter.

CORPORATE WHORES:

2005-08-21T22:24:00.000-07:00

Returning to the States has been an mind altering experience. Everywhere I go, I see corporations running the show. And not just from the commercials on the radio or TV, but the branding prevalent in movies. But corporate America is bleeding money from every single aspect of life. We are the whores of the US of A.

Water, a brilliant natural substance with zero calories and no possible allergic reactions has been morphed into a expensive item named Aquafina, Fiji. I was asked at an "authentic" Mexican restaurant if I wanted to drink sparkling, or bottled water. Great, so authentic!

The freedom to exercise has also been branded. I went to lift weights with my dad's Bally's Total Fitness membership. It was a early evening. The gym was packed liked ants looking for food in the fridge. The treadmills were dripping with sweaty patrons, and the white metal machines were being manipulated repeatedly. Each individual was turned to the numerous televisions that littered the front, each showing various crappy shows.

For profit groups have turned basic human functions into human ATM's. Taking monthly fee's from each citizen in an effort to increase profits, dividends, and ultimately stock price. What is wrong with the water that we drink from our faucets or exercising outside? Nothing. It is just further efforts to suck society into the oblivion.

Think I'm wrong? Walk around and see how everything is now capitalized.

NAME CALLING:

2005-08-17T17:53:00.000-07:00

Why are the terms babe and honey used in endearing terms? Because it is easier to use that than trying to remember the person's name and messing up. Calling your girlfriend the wrong name is a cardinal sin; something girls do not forget. I use honey because it is a simple interchangeable word. I can use it; in bed, in the morning, while shopping, on the phone, in the car, in the shower, or even online. It virtually eliminates the worries of calling the girlfriend a ex-girl's name.

So babe, where are we going today?

REFLECT, NOT REGRET:

2005-08-16T19:36:00.000-07:00

Everybody wants to know what my plans are: "Well, I'm in LA for a month and then I'm heading to China. I don't know where I"ll be in 2006 but I want to move to the UK. How long? I don't know yet. Why? Why not?"

Here I am, thinking about how it has been for the past week. I consider all the new friends and experiences I have felt: love, sadness, awe, depression, sick, inspired, joy, satisfaction. I am exactly where I want to be. Without regret, trepidation, or hesitation.

The things we do today is what makes us tomorrow.

SUBMISSIVE ENTERTAINMENT:

2005-08-16T17:32:00.000-07:00

Here's another quacky one:

"$100 - Room for submissive female

Reply to: anon-91088358@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-08-14, 8:49PM PDT

I live in a 3 bedroom condo in NE Pasadena. Just recently remodeled , close to trains and other transportation. 1 car parking available. Looking for a submissive female for my entertainment in exchange for room and board. For specific info, email me"

***********************************

I don't understand. Who's paying the $100? Will he pay you? Will there be S&M, or role-play? This is online dating at it's best. So sneaky this guy is. I am going to email him for info!

SHOWER NAZI:

2005-08-16T17:25:00.000-07:00

My friend Emily is looking for housing in LA. She shared with me an outrageous ad.

"I am a working professional Chinese guy in 30's looking for an Asian female roommate.

Only $480 per month for a big master bedroom (13'3" x 11'4") in a two bedroom upstair apartment.

Includes: Quiet bedroom,
a big closet/storage room in the bedroom(5'10" x 8'4"),
Water ultility,
1 car gated parking,
Wireless high speed internet connection,
Cooking allowed,
A king size bed with a 7 drawers set,
Central Air,
Basic cable TV,
Coin-operated washer and dryer downstair.

There is no bath in your restroom. You will use another bathroom after 7am on weekdays and before midnight daily. I use that bathroom before 7am on weekdays and I am a clean and easy going person."

*******************
Ummm, buddy. Essentially your looking for an Asian female who will happen to share the same bed as you. (surprise) and can only use the shower before 7am if it's with you. (surprise again!) It's heaps cheaper than hiring a prostitute for a month.

SECONDS:

2005-08-15T10:25:00.000-07:00

A movie is coming out that is based on a remarkable play that I saw when I was in nyc in 1996. Rent is a Broadway show set in NYC. (surprise) It is about artists/musicians living the alphabet city during the pre-ecliptic HIV era of one medication and no cure. It was still a death sentence to have HIV created a social divide.

A video of my favorite song has come out as a trailer for the movie, which is to be released late this year. The song epitomizes that the time in our lives and how we live it.

http://www.apple.com/trailers/sony_pictures/rent-seasons_of_love.html

I hope the movie stays close the the play. How do you measure a year?

REAL SERIOUS:

2005-08-12T21:10:00.000-07:00

A close friend from school Willie is moving back to LA soon. He had been living in Manhattan for the past few years and is finally taking the plug out of the drain to head home. He has been dating Sheryl for three years, though I do not particularly like her. Or should I say in my limited exposure with her, she hasn't made the best impression. In the past, he had promised me that I would "never see her again," things weren't serious, and that he's told her there is no future.

"Is Sheryl moving out with you?"
"Yeah, she's probably going to move out in January."
"So i guess things are pretty serious huh?"
"Yeah, things are pretty serious."
"Damn. Then your going to have to start looking for a ring soon."

I changed the subject but the conversation has stuck with me. What can you do when a close friend is serious with someone you do not think highly of? It is a tough subject. We are all old enough to make our choices. But I have seen over and over friends who are with people I don't give a shit about. Yeah, it is Willie's life. Frankly speaking, he can do better. I care for his wellbeing and don't want his kids to have a subpar mom.

Is there anything to do? How do I proceed?

THE OC:

2005-08-11T01:12:00.000-07:00

I took Shelly to Orange County yesterday, known as the OC. It was never known as the OC previous to the popular TV show. rather is was just Orange Co. I put on a pair of beige nylon shorts, and my new white/red summer shirt by American Apparel. We brought my fourteen y/o cousin and a super cute two month old Chow Chow named Starksy who entertained us wherever we went.

Fashion Island was our first stop. Classically an nicely designed outdoors mall but the patrons there exemplifiy the personas found in the American shows' the OC and Desperate Housewives. We walked from the car towards the shops, passing by some stand-alone carts. Besides a cart that read "Stay and Play Housing" was a wrinkled orange peel thirtysomething worker who noticed Starsky. She called us towards her.

"Ohhh! Can I pet your doggy? He's sooooo cuuuute!"
"Sure, just don't sell me any Stay and Play thingys." I teased.
"No. You can only qualify if you make more than eighty-five thousand dollars AND own a house."

I stared at her, pulled Starsky away and replied, "that was rude."

So typical new money OC style. Trying to judge someone based on nothing at all. Superficiality is something I do not miss about living in LA/OC at all.

JOINING TOGETHER:

2005-08-10T01:09:00.000-07:00

I ventured to my friend's wedding last Sunday. I saw folks I had not seen in years. Mostly from the cracks from my university. It was a pleasant experience and heard some surprising things said to me.

"You are the most adventurest friend I know."

"I'm not sure what is going on recently, but I wanted to thank you for helping my sister. You were really there for her when she needed you. I really appreciate everything you did for her and me."

Mighty kind things people were saying. Thanks! My decisions and actions allow me to live my life without any regrets. I try to put myself in a position where I will be happy with my efforts, successful or not. That was not the first time, nor will it be the last that I have saved someone's life. It is possible to save lives without a stethoscope.

TRAVEL ADVICE:

2005-08-10T01:05:00.000-07:00

A friend Shelly stopped by from Australia on her world journey. A friend gave her simply solid advice about her travels.

"Don't worry about buying gifts for anybody except yourself. It'll make a more enjoyable trip."

So true. The pressure to find gifts for friends, family, and partners can be suffocating and unnecessary. They will understand.

CONFUSION:

2005-08-08T19:10:00.000-07:00

I woke up with my stringy throb headache. My mouth felt sticky and parched. The ceilings were white but everything around me was pitch dark. Furniture melted into the darkness. Was I in Shanghai? Was I at home in Brisbane? A fleeting exciting thought came into my head: Soon, I would be back home to LA. It would be great to see my friends, feel the connection and watch the gorgeous fall leaf orange sunsets.

Flash! I was in West Hollywood and had gone out with ol' friends for drinks. It was a great night full of margaritas, with delcious tequila and rock salt; followed by super nachos and rolled tacos from Benitos. I was back in West Hollywood at Roomie's place. I just hate the lost-at-night-where-the-hell-am-I feeling.

Glad to be home!

HEAL ME TOO:

2005-08-03T05:40:00.000-07:00

This morning I began with a swim in the local pool. Interesting enough I was required to wear a headcap. Hygeine for my nappy hair.

Afterwards, I went to the second of my agonizing acupressure treatments. #31 welcomed me brightly and began with some soft massages of my lower back. Soon after he began with the superduper compressions on both buttocks. He had a series of three points at different angles for each gluteus maximus. The pain began abruptly and intensified for the duration of the treatment. I tried to brave through the treatments but at times, I wanted to cry, but held the tears back. I thought I could take pain but if someone ever tortured me like this, I think I would tell all.

When I thought the pain was over, he moved down the back of my lateral, left leg, pressing at specific points. Burn, tingle, squeeze, and sharp are all accurate descriptors for my pain. Finally after he finished the unpleasant aspect of treatment, he began his efforts to crack every single joint in my body, my lower back, upper back, neck, hip joint, even in my feet. There was no stopping him.

I'm back tomorrow for another treatment. Can't wait for the pain.

HEAL ME:

2005-08-02T07:24:00.000-07:00

My left leg hurts like a bitch. Worse when I sit down for long periods of time. It is almost like sciatica pain, but actually is a cyst pressing on my nerve. Today, I sought help from the acupressure massage therapist that my mom uses here in Shanghai.

I entered the parlor and asked for san si eii hao. #31 is the one my mom raves about and I have used before. My mom claims that he can diagnose and cure any physical ailment she has. Last time I used him he told me that I needed more sleep. thanks #31

I told him in Mandarin that my back hurt and it went down to my left leg. He began to work on my butt and worked his way down my leg. Within five minutes, he hit some huge sore spots. It was beyond the regular knots in my muscles. #31 pressed on each point with impressive force for minutes at a time. I did my breathing exercises and concentrated on nasal expiration. At times, it was so painful! At one point it got so painful that I started to laugh. He quickly quelled my laughter. I was really trying to conjure my hara but I think he was doing some serious manipulation. It was so strong that I could feel the nerves tingle down my left leg.

I left the session feeling better, but the pain has returned. My next session is tomorrow morning. I hope it works.

MOVING AWAY:

2005-08-01T19:48:00.000-07:00

Well, here I am now in sweltering Shanghai, where it stands at 34 degrees Celsius.

The last few days have been a blur. I had my going away and invited everybody I had met while in Brisbane. Novel girl, a wanna be teacher who I had dated in the past, was not going to show but decided to make an appearance. (I had met her on the bus and had a tenous time with her before I ended it. Her names stems from her long ass texts she would sent me about the most mundane stuff.)

I almost didn't recognize her with her short curly hair and 80's shirt and pants, but welcomed her and introduced her to the group. We went to the bar for a drinks and a shot and played catch up. After a few drinks we headed to the Press Club, my favorite waterhole. At that point there were a few of us left, including Zen girl and her biological dad, my mate the Wolf and Novel girl. I have been dating Zen girl for the past few months.

Novel girl went with Zen girl to the bathroom while I took care of drinks. When they returned I could see a peturbed look on Zen girl's face. She came up to me and asked to speak to me immediately. Excuse us.

"You know what Novel girl said to me in the bathroom?"
"No, what?"
"She said that if you were a man you'd tell me what happened. That you and her had something full on."
"She crazy. What did you say?"
"I told her I don't want to hear about what happened. It doesn't involve me."
"I don't know what's wrong with her. She's just crazy."

We went back to the group. I proceeded to watch her carry on bullshit conversation with the Wolf, Zen girl's dad and anybody else who would listen. The Wolf came up to me and told me that Novel girl was berating my character. I shrugged my shoulder. Later on, he pointed out that the bouncers were carrying Novel girl out of the bar and into the streets. The Wolf and I peered out through the door at her. We looked at each other, raised our glasses, clink and walked away.

That bitch crazy.

AMERICAN FEAR:

2005-07-27T20:17:00.000-07:00

Living in Brisbane has been a safety net. I feel safe to stumble home drunk through the streets, or wander the malls with my white ipod headphones on fullblast. But having lived in the world of the Night Stalker, home invasions, carjacks, LA riots, gangs jumpings, and easy access to guns make me innately paranoid.

I can still remember my friends and I riding our bikes together and hoping that Richard Ramirez would not jump from the shadows as we pedaled home.

Going to the computer room at UC Irvine only to have my friend point out to me a thug who happened to do "home invasions."

Going through senior year of high school only to see distant black smoke litter the skies around me from all the LA riot fires.

Growing up in a middle class suburb of LA but having gang members use my friend's golf club to beat him up in his own house.

A number of my high school friends getting guns after the golf club beating.

Never stopping completely at night for a redlight. Knowing full well that a thug and his gat could run up to me to carjack me.

Driving on the LA freeways, ready to slam on the brakes and go into crazy manuveurs in efforts to avoid the bullets.

So even now, when I hear a door knock on my apartment, I consider that someone might try to rob me not only of my white headphones, but my life as well. Paranoia has become my high school friend. I don't talk to him much now, but ever once in a while, he returns and I can feel his presence.

FAT MAN WALKING:

2005-07-27T02:30:00.000-07:00

Interesting story. http://thefatmanwalking.com

I wish him luck on his journey. Hate to say it, but boy is he huge!

LEAVING BRISBANE:

2005-07-26T02:34:00.000-07:00

Otherwise known as BrisVegas, or Brissie, I am on my last days before my departure. It has been a wonderful time, with new accompliances, great adventures, and amazing stories to take with me. Here are some of my fav's in no particular order:

- Press Club
- McWhitter's Fruit Market
- Valley Fiesta
- Kuan Yin
- Harem Turkish Restaurant in Pattington
- Cha Cha Char in the City
- ISIS on Brunswick
- Mondo in West End
- Zen Central in West End
- All red wines in Oz
- Aussie meat

and for my sucks my dick list . . . . TO BE CONTINUED

GENTLEMAN:

2005-07-25T04:49:00.000-07:00

Will is a mid thirties Brit who Emily met while traveling in Aussie. He's a nice chap and his line to women was "I'm a gentleman and wouldn't do things like that." That being in reference to wanting to have sex with a girl.

gen·tle·man (jntl-mn) noun. A well-mannered and considerate man with high standards of proper behavior.

But I disagreed, and proceeded to debrief him about the intricacies of sex and that wanting sex and being a gentleman was completely irrelevant.

AFTER:

". . . Called (her) up after not speaking for days and said I was still in town. 'wanna meet up? yes. cool, wanna shag? yes? cool...' my first fuck buddy. Cool. Even dropped me off in town the next day. That woman had a wonderful body-ex ballerina with good sized chest and and graceful curves..."

Congrats Will! Welcome to the 21st century. Sex is something that men and women want. Fuck buddies are not better than relationship sex, but good during a transition period. In the States, we call 'em bootie calls . . .

DRUNKEN ENLIGHTMENT:

2005-07-21T20:04:00.000-07:00

Riding the train back to the city, a middle aged girl with overgrown dyed hair and a off green sweater swayed to her seat next to me. I gave her the acknowledgement nod.

She began rambling, " I luv Sydney . . . luv the subways there . . . my partner told me on the drive up not to fuck up . . . partying in Sydney is full-on . . . the two ways be rich in this world are illegally or immorally . . . that stuff's great. . ."

Wait? Did I just catch brilliance among her rants? Is she right? Hmmm.